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My Story: Why Finally Letting Motherhood Define Me Brought Me Peace and Purpose I Never Expected
If you grew up and had kids and realized the life you have now is nothing like the one you imagined growing up, you are not alone. In a world that tells you to be one thing (without supporting you to be that one thing…), sometimes our souls crave something different. In this blog post, I will write about my story, and how I unexpectedly found faith, contentment, and sobriety in motherhood.
In this post…
Growing up, I was told I could be anything. Like most girls in this modern world, I believed that. So I tried. I did my best to chase success, to become someone. The only problem was… I didn’t really know what that someone was supposed to be. I had ambition, yes — but no real direction. Until motherhood.
The world will tell you “just being a mom” is not good enough. But I promise you… it is. It is everything.
Glow with Bryana
The Paths That Didn’t Fit Before Motherhood
As a child, I always said I wanted to be a teacher. I loved learning, loved children, loved helping people. I was passionate about languages and social studies — especially the subjects that explored people, cultures, and stories. Becoming a French teacher seemed like an obvious choice.
But just weeks before my college program began, I panicked. I realized I was following a path that didn’t actually feel like mine. So I dropped out. My parents weren’t happy, but I truly didn’t know what else to do. I had no plan — just a gut feeling that I needed time to figure it out.
That time turned into years. Without the structure of school, I lost my footing. I started making choices I wasn’t proud of. I worked as a server and quickly slipped into a lifestyle that revolved around partying, alcohol, and chasing the next fun moment. It felt freeing at first… until it didn’t.
I tried to go back to school, but between drinking, late nights, and my own anxiety, I couldn’t make it work. I dropped out again, added tuition debt to my credit card, and partied even harder to numb the shame that followed.
Something deep inside me always knew this wasn’t the life I wanted. So I moved back home. I tried again. I enrolled in business school — it felt safer, more practical — and eventually graduated with a specialty in accounting. I landed a good job and met the man who would become my husband. On paper, things were finally starting to make sense.
Falling Apart Behind the Scenes
Even as my life began to look more stable, I was still drinking every day. I was working full-time in a demanding role, in a committed relationship, and doing everything I was “supposed” to do — but I was anxious, overwhelmed, and numb. I relied on alcohol to take the edge off, to wind down, to cope.
Eventually, I reached a point where I knew I couldn’t keep going like that. I cut ties with old party friends, started therapy, and was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. I went on medication and began trying to live differently. But alcohol was still the one thing I hadn’t fully let go of. It was my last crutch.
In 2018, we moved to Vancouver Island for a fresh start. We worked hard, bought a house, and got engaged. But even in that fresh chapter, I still struggled with breakdowns, emotional spirals, and the deep feeling that I was trying so hard to hold it all together… and barely could.
The Years That Changed Everything
Then came 2020. The pandemic hit, we eloped, and soon after, I found out I was pregnant with our first son. Pregnancy during such an uncertain time was overwhelming. I had no idea what to expect — from the world or from my own body. I didn’t get to see my friends or family. I never had a baby shower. I felt completely alone.
Thankfully, the pregnancy itself was smooth, but the delivery was traumatic. I ended up needing an emergency C-section, and the physical and emotional recovery from that was difficult. Still, once I was home on maternity leave, I fell in love with motherhood. I loved being with my son. I loved the slow mornings, the quiet rhythm of our days, the feeling of being his.
My Life As A Working Mom
But a part of me still felt lost. I had spent years building a career — and suddenly, I didn’t know who I was without it. So when my son was 11 months old, I returned to work full-time.
And I cried the entire first day.
I told myself this was what strong women did — we powered through, we balanced it all. But the reality was far from empowering. Over the next 12 months, life only got harder. My son didn’t thrive in daycare — he came home overstimulated, underfed, and with constant incident reports. The rushed mornings, the prepackaged dinners, the messy house that never got cleaned, the Netflix and wine every single night to cope — it became my life.
And all the while, something in me was screaming to just go home. To be with him. To slow down. Even though I had always looked down on stay-at-home moms — quietly thinking they’d settled or stepped back — I now found myself longing for that life with every fiber of my being.
I didn’t want to miss the magic of his toddler years. I didn’t want to spend every weekend trying to undo the damage of the week. But we couldn’t afford for me to stop working — daycare was expensive, and so was life. I was stuck. Burnt out. Drowning. Drinking again just to get through the days. Feeling invisible and undervalued at work, passed over for promotions, yet expected to perform at the highest level while being paid the lowest.
And then… I missed a period.
A New Chapter in Motherhood… But a Different Ending
Those two pink lines were a surprise, but a welcome one. I knew this was a turning point.
My husband and I agreed we couldn’t keep living the way we were. With two kids, the cost of daycare would have taken nearly all of my paycheck — and we both wanted more for our family. So while I was six months pregnant, we sold our house. He found a better-paying job. And we made the decision: I would stay home.
We moved back to the mainland just in time. The very next day, our second son was born — another C-section, another recovery. We stayed at my mother-in-law’s while I healed, and from the very beginning, this postpartum and motherhood season felt completely different.
It was quieter. Gentler. More grounded.
How Sobriety Found me in Motherhood
That first year of motherhood, as a mom of two, was full of noise and growth and sleep deprivation — but also healing.
My second son was incredibly attached and only slept if he was next to me. So I leaned in. I researched how to co-sleep safely and embraced it. Between pregnancy and co-sleeping, I went nearly two years without drinking… not because I set out to be sober, but because I was suddenly responsible for something bigger than myself.
I was forced to choose sobriety because I had to live for something larger than me — my family. My babies needed me clear-headed, present, grounded — and safe. For the first time in my life, I rose to meet that need.
At first, it was out of necessity. But slowly, it became a gift.
Even with the sleepless nights, I began to notice how much more at peace I felt without the alcohol. I had energy. I had clarity. I wasn’t numbing anymore, I was living. And when my son eventually transitioned to his crib, I realized something kind of beautiful…
I didn’t want to drink anymore. The desire was just gone.
Sobriety, it turned out, didn’t just help me show up for my sons, it helped me show up for myself. Living for them taught me how to live for me, too. Even in motherhood.
It wasn’t just about saying no to alcohol. It was about saying yes to the life I had always wanted but didn’t believe I deserved — peaceful, intentional, and fully mine.
Sobriety wasn’t something I chose, originally. But over time, it became something I chose gladly. I realized that the life I had always wanted — peace, connection, joy — was waiting for me on the other side of everything I thought I needed to survive.
Building A Life that Finally Fits
I was healing, learning, and growing in ways I didn’t know I still needed to.
But staying home didn’t mean I lost my ambition. I still had drive. I still had creativity. I still had dreams. I just no longer wanted to chase them in someone else’s building. I didn’t want anyone telling me when I could take time off or how long I could be with my kids because a spreadsheet needed to be done. I didn’t want to feel guilty every time my child got sick or shamed for needing flexibility.
So I started something new.
I started writing again. Sharing again. Creating again. I built a business that allowed me to live in my purpose and in my home. I leaned into content creation, network marketing, and blogging — and for the first time, it all made sense. After years of unknown I finally learned what my soul needed (read the story here).
This is what balance looks like for me.
Being a stay-at-home mom gave me the time, presence, and rhythm I longed for. It was my purpose. Building a brand, leading a team, and creating income from home gave me the outlet I was missing. It turns out I didn’t have to choose between motherhood and ambition, I just had to stop believing that success could only happen under fluorescent lights and freedom was only for coffee breaks and weekends.
To The Mom Still Finding Herself
If you feel like you’ve lost yourself since becoming a mom, I want to tell you something: maybe you’re not lost. Maybe you’re just being redefined.
The world will tell you “just being a mom” is not good enough. But I promise you… it is. It is everything.
This journey is messy and sacred and stretching. It will break you and build you, sometimes in the same week. But it’s worth it.
You don’t have to do it like anyone else. You don’t have to follow a map that doesn’t make sense for your heart. You’re allowed to become someone new. No matter how long you spent building the “old you”.
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