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What to Do When You’re Overwhelmed and Nothing Seems To Help
If you’re a busy mom trying to reduce overwhelm but feeling like nothing actually works, you’re not alone. This blog post will help you understand why, and how you can actually reduce overwhelm by reducing your daily demands and mental load… not just adding self care.
I’ve been there. Standing in the kitchen in two-day-old pyjamas, coffee going cold, kids talking at me from all directions, their “Mama!” feeling grating rather than endearing, the house already messy even though I JUST cleaned… and my body feeling like it’s bracing for impact before the day has even started.
I’ve tried the advice. I’ve GIVEN the advice.
Better self-care. More sleep. Less screen time. Yoga. Meditation. Pilates. Breathwork. Healthier meals. Gut health. Exercise. Morning routines that look beautiful on Pinterest and Instagram.
And some periods, I still felt completely depleted.
The problem wasn’t that I wasn’t trying hard enough. The problem was that my daily demands exceeded my capacity, and I thought self care, routines, and grounding would fix it.
In this post, I’m going to show you a different way to reduce overwhelm that doesn’t add to your to-do list.
In this post:
If you are in a space where you are looking for self care, rest, and routines to help, you might like these posts:
- 5 Daily Wellness Habits (Grounding for Moms!)
- How to Reset Your Home When It Feels Heavy (Gentle)
- 3 Morning Habits To Gain Control Of Your Day (Even When You’re Overwhelmed)
A Quick Reframe That Changes Everything
If your demands are higher than your capacity, no amount of self-care will fix that.
That sentence alone was a turning point for me.
If your cup is empty, self care and grounding in the moment will add mere drops to it.
You need to allow your cup time to fill again.
And that’s done by reducing demands.
When you’re overwhelmed, your body isn’t failing you. It’s responding honestly to the load it’s carrying. It’s science:
A 2022 review published in Nature Reviews Psychology looked at how “sustained cognitive and emotional demands” affect our ability to function, and even recover from periods of higher demands (busy schedules, etc). It found that when “perceived demands exceed perceived capacity, people experience reduced focus, increased emotional reactivity, and slower recovery, even after rest”. In other words, overwhelm is not personal failure. It’s not being weak, and it’s not being a bad mom. It’s your system giving you clear, honest feedback that the load needs to be adjusted.
What “Demands” Actually Are
Researchers often describe “allostatic load”, which is the cumulative strain the body carries when it is constantly adapting to high demands over time.
Demands are anything your body and mind have to respond to. And many of them are invisible.
When you’re in survival mode, demands can include:
Sensory demands
- Background noise
- Constant talking
- Music playing all day
- Bright lights or screens
- Clothing that feels uncomfortable
- Strong smells
- Visual clutter
Social demands:
- Making small talk
- Texting people back
- Answering phone calls, or guilt for screening calls
- Managing other people’s emotions
- Pretending you’re fine when you’re not
Executive function demands
- Making decisions
- Planning meals
- Remembering appointments
- Switching between tasks, or being interrupted mid task
- Sticking to a routine
- Managing household tasks, like seeing a sink full of dishes or seeing the floors have to be mopped
- Managing tasks at hand at work if you’re working
Cognitive demands
- Processing information quickly
- Multitasking
- Solving problems under pressure
- Being perceived (by a real or perceived audience)
For me, motherhood itself carries an intense layer of these constant demands. The mental load. Switching gears constantly in this state is difficult for any mom, but as a mom diagnosed with ADHD in her 30’s, it seems to be crippling some days (read about my ADHD journey here).
One of the best tools I could ever recommend for this constant low-level demand are these Loop Engage 2 ear buds from Amazon… they reduce noise just enough that you only hear what matters (like your kids bonking heads in the next room).
And before any of that even starts, there’s the environment. The dishwasher humming. The dog barking. (Cue the Loop ear plugs!) Toys under my feet. A sweater that itches but not having the energy to change it. Skipping meals because deciding what to eat feels harder than just having another coffee (or this weird thing I have where if I have toast for breakfast, I can’t have a sandwich for lunch, because that’s TOO MUCH BREAD… so I just… don’t eat).
None of these things are dramatic on their own. But together, they combine. And stack. And grow.
Why “Just Add Self-Care” Often Makes Overwhelm Worse
Here’s the part no one really talks about.
When your nervous system is already overloaded, adding structured self-care can become another demand.
A workout class you have to get dressed for and actually remember to go to, and arrange child care for…
A time of stillness like mediation or prayer you feel guilty for skipping…
A boundary conversation that turns into emotional labour (“ugh I hope I didn’t hurt their feelings”)…
Even rest can feel unproductive and stressful when your mind won’t slow down.
I’ve lived this cycle. I LIVE it.
Dragging myself to something that was supposed to help, only to come home more exhausted, and anxious because it didn’t fix everything.
Lying down to rest and replaying every awkward moment of my life instead.
Trying to “optimize” my wellness while feeling like I’m barely surviving.
You’re not failing at self-care. You’re trying to regulate inside a situation that hasn’t changed.
It’s like trying to get water out of a sinking boat without fixing the leak.
What Actually Helps Reduce Overwhelm
This is where things can actually change, not just be covered up.
Step 1: Identify what’s truly draining you
Not what should be draining you. What actually is.
You might be surprised by the answers.
Step 2: Reduce demands strategically
This doesn’t mean fixing everything at once. It means choosing one or two pressure points and softening them.
Some demands are negotiable.
Can you reduce sensory load with quieter mornings or noise-canceling headphones? Can groceries be delivered instead of another stressful outing? Can similar tasks be batched to reduce mental switching? Can meals be simplified for a season instead of optimized, or even a meal prep service? Can you quit getting your nails done and hire a housekeeper?
And for working moms, is it reducing your work load or scheduled hours? And for self employed moms like me (bloggers, marketers, content creators, entrepreneurs)… is it admitting that we are being too ambitious? Our goals are unrealistic? Accepting that that’s ok might be the most challenging of all.
And, if not, this is where gentle systems matter. Simple cleaning rhythms, freezer meals, or a reset routine, etc. Winging it every day is not going to work anymore (it never really was, was it?)
When overwhelm is constant, support becomes a health choice, not a luxury. And that might look like occasional childcare, grocery delivery, or even hiring help when possible.
Your well-being matters more than anything.
A tool that will help with this is my weekly rhythm reset – a decision framework to help you prioritize exactly what needs to happen in the week ahead, reducing the mental load all week long. Pair it with the weekly meal planner (including a shopping list) to carry that peace through dinner time.
Step 3: Then layer in supportive self-care
Once demands come closer to your actual capacity, self-care can finally do what it’s meant to do: top up your cup when it’s already close to full, not do the filling up.
Rest will actually become restful. Movement actually feels good instead of exhausting. Time with friends feels refreshing instead of just another thing on your schedule.
Most importantly, you’re no longer trying to regulate your way out of an impossible situation.
And… Feeling Safe Changes Everything
One of the biggest shifts for me wasn’t a routine or a tool. It was feeling supported.
Reducing overwhelm isn’t a solo project. It often requires communication, shared responsibility, and releasing unspoken expectations to those in your life. Your spouse, partner, friends, and family.
In our home, that looked like small but meaningful changes.
Taking turns sleeping in on weekends. Having protected time each week to leave the house alone for something that feels nourishing (thrifting for me!). Clearly dividing household tasks (“I do the dishes, you take out the garbage”).
These changes didn’t fix everything. But they taught my body that I wasn’t doing this alone.
And that sense of safety matters.
The Hard Truth About Capacity
Sometimes reducing demands means admitting that your capacity is lower than you thought. And as a former, high executive working mom, this was a tough pill for me to swallow.
That can feel like failure. Weakness. Especially for moms who are capable, driven, and used to pushing through.
But capacity isn’t a character trait. Pushing through isn’t something to be proud of. It’s like continuing to train weights when you have tendinitis in both ankles (… I did this too 😅).
Plus, capacity fluctuates with seasons, sleep, hormones, stress, and life circumstances.
Listening to it is wisdom, not weakness.
You cannot willpower your way through overload.
If You’re Here Right Now
If you’re an overwhelmed mom reading this and feeling stuck, start with one question.
What is actually draining me right now?
A Glow Encouragement
Reducing overwhelm isn’t about becoming less sensitive or more productive. It’s about aligning your life with your real capacity so you can show up with more presence, peace, and steadiness.
You’re allowed to make things easier.
If this resonated, I’d love to hear from you.
What surprised you when you started noticing your own demands?
And if you’d like more gentle systems, wellness rhythms, and supportive tools for motherhood, you can subscribe to Let’s Glow for free resources, blog updates, and exclusive discounts.
